Suicide Prevention week 11th-15th Sept.

Welsh, English, German, Italian, Georgian, Finnish, Irish.

I want everyone to be aware it is Suicide Prevention Week this week, it started 11th Sept.

Did you know;

  • On average,there is one death from suicide every 85 minutes across the UK and Ireland.
  • In 2009 there were over 6,200 deaths by suicide across the UK and Republic of Ireland. Samaritans’ website has suicide figures which are updated annually
  • Every seventeen minutes, someone in the United States commits suicide. Each day approximately 86 Americans commit suicide, and 1,500 people attempt suicide.
  • The most recent Australian data (ABS, Causes of Death, 2009) reports deaths due to suicide at 2,132. That equates to 6 deaths by suicide a day, or one every four hours.

If you’re feeling suicidal, please, take a step back. Take a deep breathe and clear your head. You’re in a bad place right now, but it WILL pass. And there will always be someone, somehwhere who knows exactly how you’re feeling. You are not alone. Stay alive.

If you know someone who is down? Or you feel own? Speak up, let them know they’re not alone, or reach out and ask for some help. You will find things get better.

“A problem is temporary, suicide is forever.” – Unknown.

CONFESSION: I attempted to end my life several times from the age of 14-19. Various methods. I’ve been self healing myself since the last time. Whilst doing this I’ve met wonderful people who have taught me, no matter what the problem I have that causes me to feel so low, it is only temporary, suicide isn’t. Suicide lasts forever. If any of you are feeling low enough to consider it, speak up. People will listen. Stay Alive.

Today I’ve shared that confession with all my friends on facebook. Nobody knew. I also shared my fear, hope and dream. I got a few back. We all have them, perhaps you could share yours in the comments?


My fear: I’ll never find someone who will love me and stay with me when others move on. My hope: I’ll achieve the career I wish for. My dream: To live a long healthy life surrounded by those I love

F. I My fear– losing my children & husband.
My hope- to give Rohan a brilliant upbringing, hoping he’ll be proud of me oneday!
My dream- to live a long healthy, happy life as u do surrounded by those I love xxx

R. C My fear – Growing old alone. My Hope – Ellis to have the best life opportunities possible. My dream – to also live a long and healthy life with my loved ones and for Ellis to be happy. Hope this helps x
L J C My fear: failing my family. My hope: to make my daily proud. my dream: to live a long happy life with my family x


We all fear and want similar things; we’re not alone. Likewise, with whatever issue you may have. You’re not alone. I promise.

I wish to set you a few tasks; whether you read this on Suicide Prevention Week or at Christmas.. When you go to the shop next, let someone go in front of you. When you see someone who looks down; ask them “Are you okay, do you need help?”. Smile at someone in the street. Even the little things can help someone greatly. The smile and gratitude you’ll get in return will make it worthwhile for both you and the other person.

Remember; You’re not alone, speak up and stay alive.

Useful links:


No fairytales here

Now. As you all know already. I am in a sticky situation with my damned ex. Who doesn’t have an awkward ex situation? I shit you not. I landed myself in it this morning. So I had nightmares last night in which I’ve been murdered and what not. So I woke and couldn’t fall back to sleep at 6:30am. Who goes on a holiday to not relax?!

I figure I’d go on my beautiful HTC Flyer to go on a game’s website I use – or I chat on the chat rooms next to the games window anyway. And so I pop onto a game before I sign in, and figure I may as well sign in too… See some people chatting and figure I join in, not paying attention to the names of the people chatting. Big big big massive mistake. I cried for approx three or four hours straight.

Who is chatting? Yep, you guessed it. That dear darling ex of mine who I’ve never been over. Well he stopped talking so much (I scrolled back to notice this) And then after a bit states he is going because the person he is hung up on is in the room. Of course I have the ego to know he is definitely talking about me – plus see the previous post which confirms it even more. And so I state this and the fact I’m leaving.. and then comes the private messages. Of course my browser buggers up before I can screenshot most of it, but I have a few and will give a run down.

He states how much he still loves me but knows nothing can come of it and all that jazz assuming I hate him. Which I state otherwise, because you know what? I do still deeply love him, despite my outbursts of anger against the man who tore my heart into tiny pieces. But lets not dwell there!

I was completely honest about how I feel, and the fact lately I’ve been deciding I don’t want a partner. I just want children on my own. Although, he mentioned being there for me and the only help and whatever I need is sperm as men are infuriating beasts and I can’t deal with the emotional side at all.

He did all this bullshit about not moving on, he’ll never want another girl. Which is actually the most ridiculous thing to think. He’s only 22 for Christ sake. The usual spew of how sorry he as and how he’d change everything if he could happened – Last time we spoke willingly I was a spiteful heart breaking bitch..


This resulted in a small bet that he would indeed move on – after all it is a natural thing. And then he starts going all nutty wanting me to email him my thoughts of him. So you know what? I’m just gonna link him to this, although now it is public I suspect he’s seen it already. Naturally I asked him why he’d want that. It all seemed a bit weird. For a guy who cannot be near me, cannot reply to texts or whatever, to then be doing this whole talking business, and joking around and poking tongues out.. It was…normal like nothing ever happened.
Apparently my email will help him decide on something. Whatever that means. I went offline – we went camera shopping today, well pricing up. I’m buying the camera tomorrow. And we went out for lunch with Kieran (the best man who I have to dance with and he is shit scared of me won’t even talk to me), and did some running around for him.

I then have not long came back to read a message I got from him (Well, I’ve been trying to write this up for 45mins)


To SairaJayn: Ug, you know what. No. I’ll be blunt, I’ll cling and not move on because I want that big, and i’ve deluded myself into believing that maybe, somewhere down the line you might see that I know how to be who I should’ve been. So if you want to keep your win streak on bets up, I’d suggest backing down on this one.

I noticed you’d signed out when I tried to send this, so here you go – The reason why I know I can’t let go. I don’t believe my dellusions will ever come true, but that’s the reason you can’t win this bet.


Take that as you will. But I haven’t a clue what to think of it. I don’t really understand the parts I’ve kindly underlined especially for you beautiful people.  Now. I shall go through why I don’t one at a time.

  1. Get me with my number points maybe I should do a pro’s and con’s list too! I just think it is badly worded what the bloody hell does it mean, big what??
  2. I’ve heard this before. Many times. “I know now I should have done this.. that.. and the other…” So why don’t you friggin’ do it you stupid Englishman? You are not a caveman actually change your freakin’ mind set and ways! Knowing now doesn’t mean a lot when you supposedly knew Nov 10, Dec 25 09, Aug 08. etc. If you really knew you wouldn’t bleeding have all these times of having to say it!

…And breathe…

Thanks for reading this if you did. May I suggest therapy for doing this?

We aim to please

I’ve spent a long time single now and so naturally I dream of Prince Charming (ok ok Mr Christian Grey) coming in and whipping me into shape.
Why the bloody hell do I?

I’ve spend a week and a half with my friend and her fiance. And I do believe in my dreamy state I forget how damn annoyed men make me feel.
I’ve heard the arguements I forgot about, been told of things, witnessed what I forgot about men. God help me! I don’t think I could ever live with a man never mind be in one of those… What do you call them?… Ahh relationships, with a man.

Of course I do miss the intimacy, yes I admit I miss a good hard pounding. Did a female really just say that?! I would love very much to be bossed around by Mr Grey. Although it isn’t just from the book. I mean, I tried to force my ex to man up – even told him to man up as I wanted a real man who could take control.. I promise his face would just hilarious.

Update on hot Aussie hunt: I’ve seen total of  10 since 2nd july. However of the three I spoke two one is married and the other two were in a nightclub..

Homo-couplus and homo-singlus.

Read Love…from both sides by Nick Spalding to understand the title; simply awesome author.

As you may know by now, I am a single mother. Yes! I said it. How awful am I?! Such a sinner. Young, single mum and want more. To be fair on my part. I didn’t plan on having the spawn until I was 28, much less before I was 20 but if you believe in God it was a miracle and Gods’ plan, if you are into the science way. That shitty pill called “Yasmin” buggered up despite taking it perfectly and failed to work – making the crap that science throws up on us.

Oddly enough, I’ve been single for the most part of two years (roughly when I found out I was pregnant and had “GET RID OF IT OR I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU OR IT” screamed a me) and the only part I miss is the sex. Bugger the annoyingness of men – too much hassle.

But nevertheless after talking with a friend I decided to try out POF

The leading Free Online Dating Site for Singles & Personals

After all, for a bit of fun a few years ago I wanted a man in uniform. It appears the uniformed dating site is rather bleedin’ expensive. £30 a month!


My experience consisted of :

Male. Eighteen (almost three years younger). Moving to Aus in the winter. Lives an hour away – neither of us can drive.

A few forgettables that I cant even remember.

A big scary ginger who quite frankly scared the living crap out of me.. I didnt reply.

Male. Twentysomething. Sailor. Big manhood. Wants to see me in my nurse outfit. Offered to buy me expensive sexy undies.

Male. Fiftysomething. Well off. Wanted to ‘spoil’ me. Wanting to pay me to see my body (and no doubt lead on to touching it). On only the 2nd conversation was I asked if I had paypal and what it was, when I asked why I was offered £50 for 30 minutes seeing my boobs.

I think it is fair to say, I signed out and never signed back in.


I’m alive!

Well hello fellow bloggers!

I hope you all had a fabulous Christmas!

It has been a busy few months; booking a holiday, court, dream night, learning to drive and internet dating. All of which over the next few days I’ll write about.

In February this year I got a letter from a solicitor stating I am being taken to court in 4 weeks. I decided to represent myself rather than pay for a solicitor myself knowing I can do it myself unlike my silly ex who lied to the solicitor, judge (on application to court) and the caffcass officer who is there for child support in cases where there may be risk. Inwhich he stated there was no risk and I stopped him; which I, with my evidence shown both his solicitor and caffcass very clearly the image of a gun (which after 3 hours was learnt to be bb) to his head whilst I was pregnant (which got the harrassment order), the letter admitting pre-pregnancy (which I was on the pill when conceived) although I made clear it finally stopped on a main road whilst I was pushing our four month old son – he punched my ribs and I backhanded him whilst trying to push him away before running to safety of mum) and the proof I never stopped him.
All this resulted in the 10-7 one day a week he demanded, supervised by my mum, that I offered in the July when he stopped seeing our son (to later say I banned him) because I started my claim for a measly 5 quid a week.

Moving on.

My trip abroad is finally nearly here. In under two weeks I shall be in Bunbury, WA for three blissful weeks. Leaving my role as mother and picking up role of Maid Of Honour, during of this time I entrust full parental responsibility to my mum for my 2st 6lbs 29month old bundle of terror… Sorry, Joy.