Permissive, Sarcasm and Senseless.

Hallelujah! He grew a brain. Since I was 12 or 13 I have said I will not stay in England for my life and until I was 15 I said I’d move to America but then I learnt how awful the way of life is compared to what could be. And searched and thought Australia. So you can imagine that visiting Australia has very much made this feeling stronger…

I was blunt about it. I told the dear ol’ ex my plans to eventually uproot and move both myself and our child to Australia for their better way of living – almost everything seems better than England. And I’m not saying it from holiday maker eyes. My best friend and her family (Who I visited) were in England for a long time before going there. I didn’t even have to argue it. It seems my ex developed a permissive personality. Almost straight away he gave me permission;

Him: Lol. At this rate you’ll end up moving there.
Me: Well, I want to.. But its not as simple as that.
Him: Sure it is. Pull a bloke in the navy and have him transfer lmao.
Me: Why the navy? Surely its easier just to find an aussie? But thats not what I ment anyway.
Him: The navy doesn’t require you to constantly visit the country.
Me: I meant with regards to Calvin.
Him: What’s complicated about it?
Me: Er, you?
Him: You think I’d try to stop you?
Me: Honestly, yes.
Him: Hrm. No, I wouldn’t. I’d be upset because I’d want to see Calvin, but if it’s what you want to do then I wouldn’t try and stop you, even if it meant convincing you to download skype so I could talk to him that way until I could make the money for you to visit your parents.

There is my permission and I am holding him to it.
Some people are clearly too dumb for the internet, would you not agree? Now, I use a website to chat on and play games in the evenings. Kongregate. I visited tonight. Oh what fun that was. A child, username ‘SingularSeven‘ came to read this blog and pass comments in private to another user, who proceeded to forward to pass them on to me. Such delightful things being;

[11:14 PM] trace401: [06:13 PM] SingularSeven: dayumn saira seems fuked up (reply) [06:14 PM] SingularSeven: im going to cyber with her (reply)   (reply)

[11:20 PM] trace401: [06:20 PM] SingularSeven: ok moving on wtf is up with this bitch Saira (reply) [06:20 PM] SingularSeven: i am doing all i can to try to sniff our jsut how much of a slut she is (reply)  (reply)

[11:54 PM] trace401: [06:53 PM] SingularSeven: god damnit (reply) [06:53 PM] SingularSeven: the **** is this bitches issue (reply)  (reply)

Ofcourse these very much made me wish to play along slightly. Now whilst Mr Seven was being very sympathetic and kind talking to me. Even asking about the sailor mentioned in previously in Homo-Couplus…  I even proceeded to tell him how the sailor (Who I now know as Andrew added me to facebook and has hounded me since about having sex and doing sexual things. Much to his dismay I keep ignoring him. The very silly fool SingularSeven the following conversation played out. And I have to quote it as I can’t believe the utter stupidity. Fair enough, I should clearly have used my /Sarcasm but I thought it was shouted loud and clear..

[11:20 PM] SingularSeven: is he emailing you or something?
[11:21 PM] SairaJayn: Messaging.
[11:21 PM] SingularSeven: on kongregate?
[11:22 PM] SairaJayn: Yes.. I linked my facebook and he messages me on kongregate.
[11:22 PM] SingularSeven: omg xD
[11:22 PM] SingularSeven: did you know you can mute him?
[11:23 PM] SingularSeven: just hit the mute user button
[11:23 PM] SairaJayn: Ohdear. I forget I need to add /Sarcasm. More often.
[11:24 PM] SairaJayn: Why would he be messaging me on KONGREGATE. When he is on FACEBOOK?

Kiddo did try to cyber with me, but got, as you they say on the internet butthurt when he realised I’m obviously not sluttish enough for him! And boy, did the kid go a bit loopy when he realised I was going to put him on my blog. So Smile kid!

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No fairytales here

Now. As you all know already. I am in a sticky situation with my damned ex. Who doesn’t have an awkward ex situation? I shit you not. I landed myself in it this morning. So I had nightmares last night in which I’ve been murdered and what not. So I woke and couldn’t fall back to sleep at 6:30am. Who goes on a holiday to not relax?!

I figure I’d go on my beautiful HTC Flyer to go on a game’s website I use – or I chat on the chat rooms next to the games window anyway. And so I pop onto a game before I sign in, and figure I may as well sign in too… See some people chatting and figure I join in, not paying attention to the names of the people chatting. Big big big massive mistake. I cried for approx three or four hours straight.

Who is chatting? Yep, you guessed it. That dear darling ex of mine who I’ve never been over. Well he stopped talking so much (I scrolled back to notice this) And then after a bit states he is going because the person he is hung up on is in the room. Of course I have the ego to know he is definitely talking about me – plus see the previous post which confirms it even more. And so I state this and the fact I’m leaving.. and then comes the private messages. Of course my browser buggers up before I can screenshot most of it, but I have a few and will give a run down.

He states how much he still loves me but knows nothing can come of it and all that jazz assuming I hate him. Which I state otherwise, because you know what? I do still deeply love him, despite my outbursts of anger against the man who tore my heart into tiny pieces. But lets not dwell there!

I was completely honest about how I feel, and the fact lately I’ve been deciding I don’t want a partner. I just want children on my own. Although, he mentioned being there for me and the only help and whatever I need is sperm as men are infuriating beasts and I can’t deal with the emotional side at all.

He did all this bullshit about not moving on, he’ll never want another girl. Which is actually the most ridiculous thing to think. He’s only 22 for Christ sake. The usual spew of how sorry he as and how he’d change everything if he could happened – Last time we spoke willingly I was a spiteful heart breaking bitch..

Anywho

This resulted in a small bet that he would indeed move on – after all it is a natural thing. And then he starts going all nutty wanting me to email him my thoughts of him. So you know what? I’m just gonna link him to this, although now it is public I suspect he’s seen it already. Naturally I asked him why he’d want that. It all seemed a bit weird. For a guy who cannot be near me, cannot reply to texts or whatever, to then be doing this whole talking business, and joking around and poking tongues out.. It was…normal like nothing ever happened.
Apparently my email will help him decide on something. Whatever that means. I went offline – we went camera shopping today, well pricing up. I’m buying the camera tomorrow. And we went out for lunch with Kieran (the best man who I have to dance with and he is shit scared of me won’t even talk to me), and did some running around for him.

I then have not long came back to read a message I got from him (Well, I’ve been trying to write this up for 45mins)

 

To SairaJayn: Ug, you know what. No. I’ll be blunt, I’ll cling and not move on because I want that big, and i’ve deluded myself into believing that maybe, somewhere down the line you might see that I know how to be who I should’ve been. So if you want to keep your win streak on bets up, I’d suggest backing down on this one.

I noticed you’d signed out when I tried to send this, so here you go – The reason why I know I can’t let go. I don’t believe my dellusions will ever come true, but that’s the reason you can’t win this bet.

 

Take that as you will. But I haven’t a clue what to think of it. I don’t really understand the parts I’ve kindly underlined especially for you beautiful people.  Now. I shall go through why I don’t one at a time.

  1. Get me with my number points maybe I should do a pro’s and con’s list too! I just think it is badly worded what the bloody hell does it mean, big what??
  2. I’ve heard this before. Many times. “I know now I should have done this.. that.. and the other…” So why don’t you friggin’ do it you stupid Englishman? You are not a caveman actually change your freakin’ mind set and ways! Knowing now doesn’t mean a lot when you supposedly knew Nov 10, Dec 25 09, Aug 08. etc. If you really knew you wouldn’t bleeding have all these times of having to say it!

…And breathe…

Thanks for reading this if you did. May I suggest therapy for doing this?