Suicide Prevention week 11th-15th Sept.

Welsh, English, German, Italian, Georgian, Finnish, Irish.

I want everyone to be aware it is Suicide Prevention Week this week, it started 11th Sept.

Did you know;

  • On average,there is one death from suicide every 85 minutes across the UK and Ireland.
  • In 2009 there were over 6,200 deaths by suicide across the UK and Republic of Ireland. Samaritans’ website has suicide figures which are updated annually
  • Every seventeen minutes, someone in the United States commits suicide. Each day approximately 86 Americans commit suicide, and 1,500 people attempt suicide.
  • The most recent Australian data (ABS, Causes of Death, 2009) reports deaths due to suicide at 2,132. That equates to 6 deaths by suicide a day, or one every four hours.

If you’re feeling suicidal, please, take a step back. Take a deep breathe and clear your head. You’re in a bad place right now, but it WILL pass. And there will always be someone, somehwhere who knows exactly how you’re feeling. You are not alone. Stay alive.

If you know someone who is down? Or you feel own? Speak up, let them know they’re not alone, or reach out and ask for some help. You will find things get better.

“A problem is temporary, suicide is forever.” – Unknown.

CONFESSION: I attempted to end my life several times from the age of 14-19. Various methods. I’ve been self healing myself since the last time. Whilst doing this I’ve met wonderful people who have taught me, no matter what the problem I have that causes me to feel so low, it is only temporary, suicide isn’t. Suicide lasts forever. If any of you are feeling low enough to consider it, speak up. People will listen. Stay Alive.

Today I’ve shared that confession with all my friends on facebook. Nobody knew. I also shared my fear, hope and dream. I got a few back. We all have them, perhaps you could share yours in the comments?

 

My fear: I’ll never find someone who will love me and stay with me when others move on. My hope: I’ll achieve the career I wish for. My dream: To live a long healthy life surrounded by those I love

F. I My fear– losing my children & husband.
My hope- to give Rohan a brilliant upbringing, hoping he’ll be proud of me oneday!
My dream- to live a long healthy, happy life as u do surrounded by those I love xxx

R. C My fear – Growing old alone. My Hope – Ellis to have the best life opportunities possible. My dream – to also live a long and healthy life with my loved ones and for Ellis to be happy. Hope this helps x
L J C My fear: failing my family. My hope: to make my daily proud. my dream: to live a long happy life with my family x

 

We all fear and want similar things; we’re not alone. Likewise, with whatever issue you may have. You’re not alone. I promise.

I wish to set you a few tasks; whether you read this on Suicide Prevention Week or at Christmas.. When you go to the shop next, let someone go in front of you. When you see someone who looks down; ask them “Are you okay, do you need help?”. Smile at someone in the street. Even the little things can help someone greatly. The smile and gratitude you’ll get in return will make it worthwhile for both you and the other person.

Remember; You’re not alone, speak up and stay alive.

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No fairytales here

Now. As you all know already. I am in a sticky situation with my damned ex. Who doesn’t have an awkward ex situation? I shit you not. I landed myself in it this morning. So I had nightmares last night in which I’ve been murdered and what not. So I woke and couldn’t fall back to sleep at 6:30am. Who goes on a holiday to not relax?!

I figure I’d go on my beautiful HTC Flyer to go on a game’s website I use – or I chat on the chat rooms next to the games window anyway. And so I pop onto a game before I sign in, and figure I may as well sign in too… See some people chatting and figure I join in, not paying attention to the names of the people chatting. Big big big massive mistake. I cried for approx three or four hours straight.

Who is chatting? Yep, you guessed it. That dear darling ex of mine who I’ve never been over. Well he stopped talking so much (I scrolled back to notice this) And then after a bit states he is going because the person he is hung up on is in the room. Of course I have the ego to know he is definitely talking about me – plus see the previous post which confirms it even more. And so I state this and the fact I’m leaving.. and then comes the private messages. Of course my browser buggers up before I can screenshot most of it, but I have a few and will give a run down.

He states how much he still loves me but knows nothing can come of it and all that jazz assuming I hate him. Which I state otherwise, because you know what? I do still deeply love him, despite my outbursts of anger against the man who tore my heart into tiny pieces. But lets not dwell there!

I was completely honest about how I feel, and the fact lately I’ve been deciding I don’t want a partner. I just want children on my own. Although, he mentioned being there for me and the only help and whatever I need is sperm as men are infuriating beasts and I can’t deal with the emotional side at all.

He did all this bullshit about not moving on, he’ll never want another girl. Which is actually the most ridiculous thing to think. He’s only 22 for Christ sake. The usual spew of how sorry he as and how he’d change everything if he could happened – Last time we spoke willingly I was a spiteful heart breaking bitch..

Anywho

This resulted in a small bet that he would indeed move on – after all it is a natural thing. And then he starts going all nutty wanting me to email him my thoughts of him. So you know what? I’m just gonna link him to this, although now it is public I suspect he’s seen it already. Naturally I asked him why he’d want that. It all seemed a bit weird. For a guy who cannot be near me, cannot reply to texts or whatever, to then be doing this whole talking business, and joking around and poking tongues out.. It was…normal like nothing ever happened.
Apparently my email will help him decide on something. Whatever that means. I went offline – we went camera shopping today, well pricing up. I’m buying the camera tomorrow. And we went out for lunch with Kieran (the best man who I have to dance with and he is shit scared of me won’t even talk to me), and did some running around for him.

I then have not long came back to read a message I got from him (Well, I’ve been trying to write this up for 45mins)

 

To SairaJayn: Ug, you know what. No. I’ll be blunt, I’ll cling and not move on because I want that big, and i’ve deluded myself into believing that maybe, somewhere down the line you might see that I know how to be who I should’ve been. So if you want to keep your win streak on bets up, I’d suggest backing down on this one.

I noticed you’d signed out when I tried to send this, so here you go – The reason why I know I can’t let go. I don’t believe my dellusions will ever come true, but that’s the reason you can’t win this bet.

 

Take that as you will. But I haven’t a clue what to think of it. I don’t really understand the parts I’ve kindly underlined especially for you beautiful people.  Now. I shall go through why I don’t one at a time.

  1. Get me with my number points maybe I should do a pro’s and con’s list too! I just think it is badly worded what the bloody hell does it mean, big what??
  2. I’ve heard this before. Many times. “I know now I should have done this.. that.. and the other…” So why don’t you friggin’ do it you stupid Englishman? You are not a caveman actually change your freakin’ mind set and ways! Knowing now doesn’t mean a lot when you supposedly knew Nov 10, Dec 25 09, Aug 08. etc. If you really knew you wouldn’t bleeding have all these times of having to say it!

…And breathe…

Thanks for reading this if you did. May I suggest therapy for doing this?

Love

A long time ago I was asked for my definition of love. So, here it is.

Love,
Every dream and want change in the direction of making it part of you.
An unconditional feeling, that no matter what you do, I’ll always be here.
Every time I’m with you. I’m in heaven.
When I’m not with you, I’m missing you, Going crazy and being excited about next time.
Even in the middle of our rows. I just want to be with you and cuddle you.
To be in your arms.
Love is a choice my heart chose.

You cannot see love, but can feel it.
Whenever I’m thinking, it is you I think of.
Whenever I dream, it is you I dream of.
I can be really busy with something, yet it is you on my mind.
I can’t imagine being without you again.
It was hell the first time.

Love is different for everyone, which is why there is confusion.
My love will die for you.
Love is “for richer and for poorer, and ’til death do us part.”
I told you I’d love you forever.. That’ll never change.

There is no right or wrong definition.
It comes differently to everyone.
I feel secure with you.
I trust you with my life. I may not fully with other things.
But with my life, I trust.

“Love is where the other person’s happiness is essential to your own.”