Working things out and repetitive strain.

I have been working things out in accordance to my next trip to Australia, in January 2014..For two whole months.. My friend is paying for my tickets, I hope to one day pay it all back of course. I’ve been working out how much money I need for myself and my son (who will be 3/4). We’re going to be staying with my friend and again she says we don’t need anything for food, I’m trying to avoid this though. With how I’ve worked out – saving £63 per month it works out I get £1008 which is currently;

Conversion rate; AUD/GBP = 1.53689

£1,008.00 = $1,549.19

Will that be enough for two months for two of us? Basically that amount of dollars divided by 59 as an approx estimate of the two months (though given travel times etc etc it is kinda less) that is $26 is that enough? My friend will be working so I’ll be entertaining myself. I have to include petrol money as hopefully I’ll be driving (so I need to get money to rent cats and petrol or whatever too).. Hmmm. Should be shouldn’t it??

I believe I have repetitive strain injury from my crocheting so much. My right wrist is in agony to use it. 😦


Suicide Prevention week 11th-15th Sept.

Welsh, English, German, Italian, Georgian, Finnish, Irish.

I want everyone to be aware it is Suicide Prevention Week this week, it started 11th Sept.

Did you know;

  • On average,there is one death from suicide every 85 minutes across the UK and Ireland.
  • In 2009 there were over 6,200 deaths by suicide across the UK and Republic of Ireland. Samaritans’ website has suicide figures which are updated annually
  • Every seventeen minutes, someone in the United States commits suicide. Each day approximately 86 Americans commit suicide, and 1,500 people attempt suicide.
  • The most recent Australian data (ABS, Causes of Death, 2009) reports deaths due to suicide at 2,132. That equates to 6 deaths by suicide a day, or one every four hours.

If you’re feeling suicidal, please, take a step back. Take a deep breathe and clear your head. You’re in a bad place right now, but it WILL pass. And there will always be someone, somehwhere who knows exactly how you’re feeling. You are not alone. Stay alive.

If you know someone who is down? Or you feel own? Speak up, let them know they’re not alone, or reach out and ask for some help. You will find things get better.

“A problem is temporary, suicide is forever.” – Unknown.

CONFESSION: I attempted to end my life several times from the age of 14-19. Various methods. I’ve been self healing myself since the last time. Whilst doing this I’ve met wonderful people who have taught me, no matter what the problem I have that causes me to feel so low, it is only temporary, suicide isn’t. Suicide lasts forever. If any of you are feeling low enough to consider it, speak up. People will listen. Stay Alive.

Today I’ve shared that confession with all my friends on facebook. Nobody knew. I also shared my fear, hope and dream. I got a few back. We all have them, perhaps you could share yours in the comments?


My fear: I’ll never find someone who will love me and stay with me when others move on. My hope: I’ll achieve the career I wish for. My dream: To live a long healthy life surrounded by those I love

F. I My fear– losing my children & husband.
My hope- to give Rohan a brilliant upbringing, hoping he’ll be proud of me oneday!
My dream- to live a long healthy, happy life as u do surrounded by those I love xxx

R. C My fear – Growing old alone. My Hope – Ellis to have the best life opportunities possible. My dream – to also live a long and healthy life with my loved ones and for Ellis to be happy. Hope this helps x
L J C My fear: failing my family. My hope: to make my daily proud. my dream: to live a long happy life with my family x


We all fear and want similar things; we’re not alone. Likewise, with whatever issue you may have. You’re not alone. I promise.

I wish to set you a few tasks; whether you read this on Suicide Prevention Week or at Christmas.. When you go to the shop next, let someone go in front of you. When you see someone who looks down; ask them “Are you okay, do you need help?”. Smile at someone in the street. Even the little things can help someone greatly. The smile and gratitude you’ll get in return will make it worthwhile for both you and the other person.

Remember; You’re not alone, speak up and stay alive.

Useful links:

Crochet page on facebook.

A small update, I have created a page on facebook to show off all the things I create with crochet. And if people wish to buy it they’re more than welcome at a fair price!

The page is So do go on and ‘like’ it and share it! Will post anywhere so long as postage is paid!

“Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”

^ Bob Marley.

Anyway to begin. I was happily playing a game filling my boredom until my friends on the otherside of the world woke up. When I got a message from my ex asking about things his best friend (whom was my high school crush too) until last year has ever said about him. And if I was sure I never cheated.. Then he goes on to spurt the following;

Ok, that’s all I needed to know to be truthful in the epiphany I had. I realised that you’re right, in a sense. I think I care about you because you are Calvin’s mother, and those are the messed up emotions I have with regards to you. I think, it’s also true that our relationship shouldn’t have started up again, I should have been there for Calvin and not tried getting on that boat again. Which also made me realise that you’re right on another number – I can’t tie myself down just because of this, it’s a self destructive spiral if I do, as such, while I won’t go “looking to move on”, if it comes to me, you might actually win our little bet we had going on. Now, hopefully you don’t take offense to that cause I meant it in a very positive way. Let me know if you want me to explain any of that.

To which I asked why the hell I’d be offended, because after all, pretty random since we

While the only occaision I’ve been unfaithful was a drunken kiss with Mel when we first starting “dating”, I don’t think I’ve been “in love” with you since we stopped spending night’s out on your trampoline staring at the sky. I think I was addicted to feeling that someone actually loved me, and that’s why it went on so long.

Still not understanding what the hell I was supposed to be offended over.  I gave the truth

Although, I guess I should probably admit myself, I realised when I was pregnant. I dont think I ever loved you.

Now, thinking of it I’m quite pissed off. Apparently I don’t need to know why he spouted this crap. I personally believe he was attempting to hurt me, but when I said well, I actually don’t love you, never have really, it failed. He did of course deny it but wouldn’t continue on to why he said it then.

My friend raised a fine point (Bridezilla from previous posts)  He put me through all the crap – the physical and emotional abuse and all the other crap accusing me of cheating, actually cheating on me, putting people before me and treating me like shit on the bottom of his shoe yet treating a girl who pretended to be dead for years to be a goddess- for what? The selfish thing of enjoying feeling ‘loved’ ?

I’m disgusted in him. Not hurt or offended. Plain ol’ pissed off as my friend hit the nail on the head, what kind of selfish fuck does that? I atleast *thought* I loved him. And ended it (despite his trying for otherwise)  when I realised.


Fear; noun [mass noun] an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm

(  Copyright © 2012Oxford University Press)

pho·bi·a; n.

1. A persistent, abnormal, and irrational fear of a specific thing or situation that compels one to avoid it, despite the awareness and reassurance that it is not dangerous.
2. A strong fear, dislike, or aversion.
(The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.)

A friend of mine the other day asked on Stalkbook no less, “What are your WORST fears?” (Or along those lines. It was more in depth) It has made me think. I fear quite a lot but why?
When you get down to the nitty gritty behind each fear, could you find the reasoning and so overcome the fear by logical thinking? Could a phobia stem fears of other things?

I hope you will delight me in letting me know your fears, for my next post inwhich we could perhaps discuss them? Use the following contact form.

My fears and phobias.

Firstly I shall split the two. I fear this and and have a phobia of that.

My fears: Deep sea waters. The dark.

My phobias: Grudge. Snakes. Hot water.

I fear deep sea waters for the obvious reasons – the unknown – not being able to see what is in there and may get me. I guess it stems to the shark attacks or that crab on the beach that decided I looked tasty and took a snip at me. Of course I know this is irrational – the chances of me being harmed are quite low, however it doesn’t stop that fear .. nor does the fear stop me having a little paddle. It is however constantly on my mind what may happen.

My fear of the dark has been with me since a child. As they say it isn’t the dark, but what is in the dark. I believe this is true, especially with one of my phobias, which makes this fear worse;see Grudge.

I have a phobia of The Grudge, that’s right, the movie. Shockingly I’ve just screwed myself over for you guys. Just the mention of it scares me, never mind the photos of it. I have no idea what makes me so frightened but I cannot go into the dark anymore, I can’t look under my bed or in my closet at night. The slightest noise freaks me out so much I cannot sleep. I will cry if even shown a photo from it, my ex made the noise ‘it’ makes – he ended up with sore private parts!

Snakes cause me to throw up, faint, sweat, have panic attacks.. and that is just caged onces.. I’m not very good with looking at them on on TV or in photos either. Makes me feel physically sick – I wish I knew why. Even baby ones affect me.

When I was younger, possibly 6 or 7. I was in the garden waiting for my neighbours paddling pool to fill up. We were playing around the garden as her dad said he was speeding it up by adding hot water so STAY AWAY. Well, her big sister came home and held the hose on me for approx 30 – 60 seconds with the scalding water, not believing me. I’m lucky I didn’t scar physically however mentaly it has, I cannot go near any water that is hotter than luke warm unless it is MY cup of coffee. I know it isn’t likely to happen again and it was a freak accident but it really scares me. My hot is just over everyone elses luke warm. 😦


Tell me, what are yours?


Over the last year I started learning crochet, I feel like showing off my projects so far.

First flower I ever made

Another hat for an other of my sisters friends..

Cradle purse as the purse

Cradle purse as cradle

A hat I made for my sisters friends baby

A blanket for my unborn nephew