Now. As you all know already. I am in a sticky situation with my damned ex. Who doesn’t have an awkward ex situation? I shit you not. I landed myself in it this morning. So I had nightmares last night in which I’ve been murdered and what not. So I woke and couldn’t fall back to sleep at 6:30am. Who goes on a holiday to not relax?!
I figure I’d go on my beautiful HTC Flyer to go on a game’s website I use – or I chat on the chat rooms next to the games window anyway. And so I pop onto a game before I sign in, and figure I may as well sign in too… See some people chatting and figure I join in, not paying attention to the names of the people chatting. Big big big massive mistake. I cried for approx three or four hours straight.
Who is chatting? Yep, you guessed it. That dear darling ex of mine who I’ve never been over. Well he stopped talking so much (I scrolled back to notice this) And then after a bit states he is going because the person he is hung up on is in the room. Of course I have the ego to know he is definitely talking about me – plus see the previous post which confirms it even more. And so I state this and the fact I’m leaving.. and then comes the private messages. Of course my browser buggers up before I can screenshot most of it, but I have a few and will give a run down.
He states how much he still loves me but knows nothing can come of it and all that jazz assuming I hate him. Which I state otherwise, because you know what? I do still deeply love him, despite my outbursts of anger against the man who tore my heart into tiny pieces. But lets not dwell there!
I was completely honest about how I feel, and the fact lately I’ve been deciding I don’t want a partner. I just want children on my own. Although, he mentioned being there for me and the only help and whatever I need is sperm as men are infuriating beasts and I can’t deal with the emotional side at all.
He did all this bullshit about not moving on, he’ll never want another girl. Which is actually the most ridiculous thing to think. He’s only 22 for Christ sake. The usual spew of how sorry he as and how he’d change everything if he could happened – Last time we spoke willingly I was a spiteful heart breaking bitch..
This resulted in a small bet that he would indeed move on – after all it is a natural thing. And then he starts going all nutty wanting me to email him my thoughts of him. So you know what? I’m just gonna link him to this, although now it is public I suspect he’s seen it already. Naturally I asked him why he’d want that. It all seemed a bit weird. For a guy who cannot be near me, cannot reply to texts or whatever, to then be doing this whole talking business, and joking around and poking tongues out.. It was…normal like nothing ever happened.
Apparently my email will help him decide on something. Whatever that means. I went offline – we went camera shopping today, well pricing up. I’m buying the camera tomorrow. And we went out for lunch with Kieran (the best man who I have to dance with and he is shit scared of me won’t even talk to me), and did some running around for him.
I then have not long came back to read a message I got from him (Well, I’ve been trying to write this up for 45mins)
To SairaJayn: Ug, you know what. No. I’ll be blunt, I’ll cling and not move on because I want that big, and i’ve deluded myself into believing that maybe, somewhere down the line you might see that I know how to be who I should’ve been. So if you want to keep your win streak on bets up, I’d suggest backing down on this one.
I noticed you’d signed out when I tried to send this, so here you go – The reason why I know I can’t let go. I don’t believe my dellusions will ever come true, but that’s the reason you can’t win this bet.
Take that as you will. But I haven’t a clue what to think of it. I don’t really understand the parts I’ve kindly underlined especially for you beautiful people. Now. I shall go through why I don’t one at a time.
- Get me with my number points maybe I should do a pro’s and con’s list too! I just think it is badly worded what the bloody hell does it mean, big what??
- I’ve heard this before. Many times. “I know now I should have done this.. that.. and the other…” So why don’t you friggin’ do it you stupid Englishman? You are not a caveman actually change your freakin’ mind set and ways! Knowing now doesn’t mean a lot when you supposedly knew Nov 10, Dec 25 09, Aug 08. etc. If you really knew you wouldn’t bleeding have all these times of having to say it!
Thanks for reading this if you did. May I suggest therapy for doing this?